


Gave Myself Over Willingly

by freenightfall28



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, BDSM, Blow Jobs, Developing Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Friends With Benefits, Gentle Sex, Hand Jobs, I'm Bad At Tagging, Jealousy, Kissing, Light BDSM, Minor Injuries, Oral Sex, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Rough Sex, Serious Injuries, Smut, Tags Are Hard, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-22
Updated: 2018-02-03
Packaged: 2019-03-07 21:57:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13444224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/freenightfall28/pseuds/freenightfall28
Summary: A relationship was unraveling before your very eyes, it's petals and thorns exposing themselves to you as you tried to decipher the meaning behind it all; what lied between you and Kylo Ren, what connected you to each other—wicked and divine intentions that drew you to him, and he you.





	1. Frustration

It all happened so fast, a hurricane of moments blurring together until it was nothing but a haze in your mind as you try to recollect what ensued—how it all started in the first place. You remember standing in the large conference room, arms crossed as your brows furrowed with subtle vexation as the words spilled from the general’s lips. Every sentence that he uttered with precise expertise made the muscles in your chest tighten and your pulse quicken until your heart beat against your ribcage dangerously.

Kylo stood opposite of you from across the room, mirroring your exact position though his rising anger was far more palpable; even with the helmet that concealed the flare of his nostrils and the twitch at the corner of his lip.

The general stood there at the head of the rectangular table in his crisp uniform, hands clasped behind his back as the greatcoat draped over his padded shoulders. His words directed at you and your squadron were of dissatisfaction. His lips pressing together in a hiss, saliva slipping past the cracks of his teeth as he reprimanded your leadership skills in the latest attack on some Outer Rim planet that wasn’t even worth mentioning by name—calling out the weaknesses in your performance as captain in a room full of the First Order’s most competent officers and commanders. You, the renowned leader of the resurrected Inferno Squad who won the battle in murky, bloodied skies after risking the lives of your most elite, were chastised like some pathetic child.

Ren wasn’t spared from the general’s wrath, his degradation on par with the lecture you received only with, what you could only assume was, personal remarks thrown in with the scolding.

If this was what it was like dealing with Hux everyday you could see why Ren hated him so, why he found every opportunity possible to belittle and embarrass him. Never had the general seemed so vicious, so carefully crafted in his contempt and subtle rage for the events that transpired. Your interactions with Hux had always been professionally pleasant, words of praise offered with your victories as well as ones of respect. But now, even with the success of your mission, it was still too close of a call—one mistake away from complete failure—and Hux found nothing but bitter disappointment in your performance. In his eyes you had fallen short in your expectations and Hux was more than willing to educate you on your near snafu, one the First Order could not afford, in hopes that it would not happen again.

It was humiliating.

You didn’t work your ass off in the Imperial Navy, proving yourself worthy of joining the ranks of the Imperial Starfleet Corps and gaining the proficiency of commanding the Inferno Squad, to have some pasty little prick tell you off undeservingly in front of your peers. You were trained personally by Gideon Hask, one of the original members of Inferno, before his death at the hands of the traitor Iden Versio; you were the best of the best and Hux had no right to tarnish the accomplishments of you and your predecessor. This would not go unforgotten.

The general dismissed you all once the meeting was adjourned. You grabbed at the black TIE pilot helmet off the floor roughly and stormed out of the room, the scowl on your face contorting the natural beauty of it. The blood rushing to your ears drowned out the heavy footsteps that fell behind you, thunderous against the back tile of Finalizer.

You absentmindedly enter an abandoned officer’s room as anger blinded you, bare of all necessities with the exception of the obsidian desk that lay vacant at the opposite end of the room. Your pilot’s helmet is thrown recklessly against the wall with brutal force. Ire floods your veins and overrides your senses, poisoning your ability to think logically, rationally. The tension in your jaw radiates an ache down to the muscle and bone as your breathing intensifies.

The metallic door hisses behind you and you whirl around, strands of hair loosening from your sleek bun to frame your face. Ren stands before you, his own labored breathing pulsating through the distorted filter of his ridiculous helmet. His chest is rising up and down frantically, mimicking yours. Not a moment passes before his mask is discarded, revealing the handsome feature of the force warrior.

Seconds pass by and you can’t tell if it leads into minutes or if time just stops. You don’t know how much time wastes away as you two stare at each other. The air is thick, a mixture of suspense and nerves and anticipation all conjoining together and intermingling with each other until it almost became too much, stealing the air from your lungs.

The next thing you know the TIE pilot jumpsuit is stripped from your body, the thin material of your bra the only article of clothing covering any part of your flesh; a shiver runs up your spine as your ass makes contact with the cold, neglected surface of the table. Kylo is nearly fully dressed, but the sensation of his hardened cock rubbing against your aroused sex tears a moan from deep within your chest.

You don’t mean to break skin when it happens, but you’re sinking your fingers into the hot-damp of his flesh while seeking stability. You can see the tiny crescents blossoming across his shoulders as the edge of your nails mark him. Then for a moment his eyes go dark, blown wide and hazy on heat from the pleasure spreading through his body. You tremble when a gust of hot breath catches on the slick of your skin. Kylo drops his hands to your hips, his fingers spread over the flexing tension in your body as his nails drag over your flesh for some sort of traction. He mutters something unintelligible, incoherent even to his own ears, then he thrusts forward roughly with all the remaining strength he can muster.

You come away from the desk, your mouth framed around words that sound a lot like a plea as you struggle to capture Kylo’s lips in a kiss that tastes like salt and sweat and desperation. It’s an awkward gesture, but it has Kylo rocking his hips forward with determined resolve that touches on animal impulse. The friction tugs at your spine, makes you clutch at the desk for purchase only to find disappointment in the lack of bedsheets beneath you. It makes Kylo groan in breathless satisfaction as you twist your body reflexively, toes closing on air as you clench around the resistance of his cock.

“Oh, god,” you pant, “right there.” The words leave your mouth like a broken litany, a salacious prayer that turns gold into honey on your lips. Then you’re wrapping a leg around his waist and pulling him closer with each precise snap of his hips.

You can feel the strain in your calves, the strain pulling at the angle of your thighs; but you’re pulling him closer still—and with all the static in the room it’s a miracle that you hear him when he grunts out, “I’m close.”

A surge of heat spills across your skin, turns to a full-bodied burn as you cling to Kylo’s frame like you’re on the verge of death. You can feel his cock twitch inside of, the surge of electricity as a rush of blood travels to the head. You open your mouth and inhale a lungful of air, your body shaking and lips moving on words you can’t make entirely audible. You reach for Kylo’s hand and lace your fingers together in a crushing grip at your hip in an attempt to hold onto _something_.

“Come for me,” he rasps, his eyes brimming with avidity and passion so bright it cuts through you like a knife.

It’s as if your body has been trained to respond to his words. Your muscles tense, sweat rolls down the nape of your neck, and you nearly break when Kylo works a hand between your bodies to find your clit with practiced ease. His fingers are moving with blinding speed as he grinds himself closer, sheathing his cock impossibly deep. He ducks his head to place a trail of sloppy, open-mouthed kisses along your clavicle, letting his tongue drag heat up the side of your throat.

His teeth catch on your skin and graze the thrumming of your pulse as he works you closer to the quaking edge of gratification. You jerk in reflexive response, your stomach tightening as your shoulders submit to strain. Then the tension is gone as if it’s snapped entirely and your hand is coming to a bracing hold at the back of Kylo’s head, fingers threading through his damp, inky strands to tug him closer to the vulnerability of your throat. And suddenly Kylo’s capitulating to his own demands, spilling a rush of come into your tight heat. He keeps his hips moving in a rough cadence, the friction now wet and sticky and you have to focus to bring his face back into clarity.

You can feel the shuddering tremors spin across his skin, can feel the wet heat of response around his softening member. You’re nearly convulsing, breathing hot against the slick of his shoulder. The grip at the back of his head falls slack and you have to fight to keep yourself from toppling off the desk entirely.

You slowly begin to come back from the height of your release as Kylo carefully leaves the warm comfort of your body. There’s a spill of liquid in the wake of his retreat, a rush of viscous fluid that sticks to your skin. Then Kylo is smirking and you don’t know what to do but laugh in your euphoric exhaustion because it’s a shade too ridiculous given what you’ve just done. He arches an eyebrow before tugging you into a languid kiss, lazy and slow for the lack of energy left in your bodies. It’s more pressure than actual motion, a spark of friction that settles in the lines of your connected mouths. Then it’s gone, exchanged for overheated breath and the slight press of your foreheads coming together, tacky with sweat and still warm with the fever that flushes your skin.

You’d never thought that anything like this would ever happen, that your mutual (yet temporary) disdain for the general would drive you both into lust-fueled frenzy. There was no inkling of attraction that either of you had towards each other—at least none that either of you made evident—only brief moments of acknowledgement when your paths crossed; though you couldn't deny the ambiguous allure you felt towards the Commander of the Knights of Ren, the sheer power that emanated off of him in tangible waves was enough to help you get off on lonely nights. Though you had to admit, this was so much more satisfying.


	2. Unravel

It’s been weeks since that first encounter in the abandoned officer’s room, where you had Kylo Ren thrusting wildly between your legs, both of you possessed by visages of anger and pent-up frustration. Neither of you spoke after that incidence, but you found yourself drawn to Ren’s room a few days later, the young apprentice pulling you to him through the force bond he interwoven around you the moment your bodies connected. You found solace in his bed, in the touches that scorched your skin and burned electricity through your veins. His kisses, no matter how soft and delicate or rough and violent, were laced with an intoxication you couldn’t help but seek more of.

It was hard to define your relationship with Ren. Most nights were purely physical, the two of you only using each other to reach the pinnacle of hedonistic satisfaction—tongues and hands exploring the curves and dips and expanses of your bodies. There were the rare nights, however, when you were allowed glimpses into the conflict that plagued Kylo.

The rendezvous you shared often ended with one of you dressing and leaving to track across _Finalizer_ to get a few hours of sleep before preparing for your next mission, Ren with his own agenda and you with yours. There were rare exceptional, sacred nights, when you would sit up in Ren’s bed, a numb but deft hand searching the floor for your discarded clothing when you’d feel the warmth of Ren’s spidery fingers wrap around your wrist; stilling for only an instant before sliding down the length of your fingers to hold your hand; sometimes he’d lay on his side and watch you, dark eyes boring on to your figure as you froze in his tender grasp, not knowing how to interpret his actions. Other nights he’d simply reach out to you as he’d lay on his back, eyes upturned to the ceiling as if it were too painful to look at you seconds before you left him. It was always a fleeting moment before he’d release his hold on you and you’d continue dressing and leave.

You revealed in these moments, but ultimately, in the end, it terrified you. Who else had been in the presence of Ren when he was not slashing at machinery as rage flooded his veins like poison? Who else had witnessed the raw and unrelenting power of his force hold, of the force itself that was contained inside of him? Who else had stood before him, helmet thrown carelessly to the corner of the room as his facial expressions betrayed barked orders, his heart betraying his intellect. Who else but you?

It was an exhilarating notion as it was terrifying.  

Calloused fingers gripped your bare, plush thighs with enough force to ensure bruising and  tugged you to the bed’s edge. Kylo pulled your legs dangling off the edge of the bed as he leaned over you, one hand supported upon the mattress while the other was already creeping its way up your thigh, the pads of his fingertips just barely ghosting over hot skin; watching from above, your eyes are drawn to the commander as a long finger hooked around the elastic band of your underwear before the material was slipped off your smooth legs effortlessly and tossed away to be forgotten until the morning.

Kylo smirked, cocky as ever when he saw the glimmer of wanton anticipation in your eyes, sparkling in the darkness of his room, _Finalizer_ passing through the still calmness of space. His gaze fell down to your now fully exposed body, the round full shape of your breasts, nipples perky in the chill of the open expanse and cooled air. His fingers diligently traced every curve, down your waist to your navel and then finally his dark eyes lingered upon what he had been longing to indulge in since he decided he needed your presence beneath him this night.

A gasp left your lips, a bold finger stroking the sensitive nub at the apex of your thighs. Kylo chuckled at the bucking of your hips towards his touch, eyes shutting as a whine escaped from deep in your chest, your legs trembling slightly in response to his touch. Even in the darkness Kylo could see the tint of pink that adorned your cheeks, flushed with embarrassment though he knew that you were enjoying yourself; feeling your palms graze over the definition of his strong arms, grabbing at his skin as he allowed a digit to slip inside of you.

He pumps his finger a few times before adding another, watching in satisfaction when a sheen began to coat the length of his fingers, finding them glide in and out of you gracefully. Without hesitation Kylo pulled away, earning a stern look. He ignored you narrowed eyes and pouty lips, opting instead to kneel in front of you. Leaning down he kissed a line up the smooth skin of your thigh until he reached your center, warm and wet and ready for whatever he had in store. Traces of your irritation ebbed away, your eyes now hooded as you watched him eagerly between the mounds of your breasts between your parted legs.

Kylo leaned into you slowly, tasting the sweet honey elixir directly at your source. He knew that the scraping of his teeth against the sensitive tissue of your inner thighs between licks and kisses was creating friction and torture, just ever so tenderly, but he also knew that you were relishing in the pleasure by the way you began tugging on his hair; every now and then it would be a sharp, yanking motion that nearly pulled him flush against your sensitive womanhood. Kylo then felt the tremble of a nearing orgasm course through your body, your eyes squeezing shut as your brows furrowed, an expression that he knew all too well—oh, how dangerously close you were.

Sometimes he’ll bring you off by that alone—pushing fingers into your wet cunt one by one and pumping them slowly in and out, tasting the flood of your juices when you came. You always found content in his action, after the manipulation of his ministrations. When he was finished Kylo would settle up and recline on his side next to you, and then after a few moments when you’d recover you’d jerk him off, nice and slow or rough and fast, however he wanted it that night.

However, that’s not what either of you needed.

“No, no,” He purred, voice dripping low, “not yet. You have to tell me what you want.”

The blush deepened on your cheeks, eyes glazed over with want, disillusioned by passion and lost in the heat of the moment. “I need you,” you panted, chest heaving, “I need you now.”

Kylo smirked, giving you one parting kiss before standing up, allowing you time to scoot back on the bed and lay amongst the pillows as your hair sprawled out in a halo around your head before he leaned over you. Your hands rested on his shoulders, running them down his toned arms though you stopped short of taking a hold of his hands. Laying on your back you gazed up at him with eyes half-hooded with desire, effectively begging him to take you then and there.

He does so, bracing himself on his hands and pushes his hard, thick cock into your heat, guided by the delicacy of your hands. You both make a noise when he enters you—his deep and guttural while yours was more of a tender sigh; your head rolls back, eyes closing and lips parting in a revenant “o” shape that drives him utterly mad with lust. It causes something to spasm in Kylo’s lower belly and he grunts again before beginning to thrust in and out of you slowly.

A soft moan escapes from your lips as your eyes fluttered opened, hazy and punch-drunk. A groan rumbled up from the middle of his chest as he began to pick up the pace of his thrusts. The small, desperate noises you made were driving him out of his mind. There’s a wet slap every time his hips snap back into you, squeezing periodically around him.

Kylo then sat up for a different angle, putting his hands on your upturned knees for better leverage so he can fuck you a little harder, a little faster and you’re pushing back at him atop of you like you were born to do it. Kylo relishes in the fact that something, finally, was going the way he wished and he hadn’t fucked up in the slightest.

He needed this, he needed you.

Just as this thought crossed his mind, you seemed to have sensed it. Looking up at him with your tantalizing eyes, a flush rises high on you cheekbones. Kylo faltered for a moment, and then suddenly he pushed you down, blanketing your body with his own, forearms on either side of your head, encaging you. His eyes flutter shut for a moment, leaning his forehead against the sanctity of yours, before opening them again to look at you. Your hands are curled around his wrists, moving to lace your fingers into his. He kissed you then, lips meeting and parting in a sultry embrace while he’s still rutting into you, staying deep inside of your pussy, almost rubbing himself against your lower body rather than pulling in and out completely.

Kylo pulled back from the kiss and nuzzled his open mouth against your cheek as your whimpering increased, feeling him reach down to rub the pads of his fingers across the tender bud of your clit, back arching against him and moaning with lewd tendencies. Kylo assaults you throat with kisses, feeling your pulse thrumming there, and sucks a line of dark marks into the column of your neck. They’ll be hidden beneath the collar of your jumpsuit and pilot’s vest, but no one will be able to doubt that you belong to him. Your breath starts to stutter, so Kylo braced himself on his elbows again, fucking you into the mattress while your cries escalate until your voice cracks on the highest note. He leaned down to abuse your lips again, swallowing your euphoric cries into his own mouth, brows furrowing when you clench around his cock.

Suddenly you come with a broken cry while his hand is still moving furiously on your clit. There is a slew of words that pass your lips, some unintelligible by your moaning and whining, but there is one he recognizes—his name, _Kylo_. Fucking you slowly through the aftershocks he tries to make it last, but he couldn’t hold back any longer. With an almost pained grunt the tension rushed out of Kylo as he releases himself into you, filling you with his seed. He stayed there inside of you a moment longer, the room filled with your haphazard panting, and then Kylo slowly pulls out, trying to cause as little discomfort as possible.

He lays beside you then, running a hand through his disheveled hair before resting against the pillows, throwing an arm around you and pulling you to him, feeling the press of your breasts against the curve of his body, both of you covered in a light layer of preparation.

 

**Author's Note:**

> This story will just be a collection of drabbles/oneshots centered around Kylo Ren purely to satisfy my thirsty ass and perhaps some of you guys out there as well, with no real plot just smutty goodness.
> 
> I hope you enjoy :)


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